David Guinness

Thank you. Actually, I don't know what my teacher thought of it. I know she loved the idea of it, but we turned it in on the last day of ...

Hadn't thought of that. Good point, Snoink. I once heard of a man who regularly purchased double or triple ply toilet paper, then pulled apart the layers so he had ...

Hmm.. I reread the poem again. I just caught an idiom I missed. Can't believe I missed that. This is even better than I thought.

Yes, I think WL covered everything. Ribbons in her hair and shrapnel in her face... powerful. Well done, bent!

Basically all I can say is what xanthan gum has already. It is a nice poem. I don't think I would change anything about it, although the first stanza is ...

Well done, Brad. The line phrasing is really quite ingenious.

Yes, it's lacking a few syllables here and there, but as Bjorn said, it's fine. Even Shakespeare often had sonnets with either 9 or 11 syllables on a line.

A pretty good "power-poem", if you will. Like Cassandra said, theose hyphens you don't really need. Perhaps you could put the last line in italics, or do something, just so ...

Thanks, Rei, for the crit. As far as I can tell, everyone has said pretty much exactly what I have been thinking... That's good to know, I think. :D I'll ...

Yes, I agree with the darker tone. I expect that will arise naturally as I add more detail to the story. I'll work on it. Thanks again!

Thanks, MetalHead. Also, this, It seems the Stone has been locked away, safeguarded in the New Domain. A knight from the Old Kingdom has been sent secretly to reclaim the ...

You might change "Why can I not fly with up in the air" to "Why can I not fly with her in the air..." Or something like that, just so ...

I'd like to hear a recording of this. The verse is slightly distracting when read, because there is not always a clear lyrical pattern, but it may flow perfectly in ...

Simple, pleasant poem.

This is a beautifully written sonnet. I like how there exists a mirror between the use of pentameter and the "blood that pulses through my limbs." The imagery throughout is ...